Saturday, July 25, 2009

Billy Mays' Spirit Lives On

The great pitchman Billy Mays, hawker of late night TV-Only products such as Mighty Putty, Might Mend-it, Oxi-Clean and Steam Buddy may have taken the great dirt nap a few weeks ago, but his spirit lives on.

In our President.

No past president has worn out the tires on Air Force One the way Barack Obama has. He has travelled far and wide to apologize for our country's mere existence and to appease any and all despots with gentle and diplomatic man hugs. Don't worry, be happy - Georgia on your mind? Go for it.

And at home it's the snake oil salesmanship that Billy Mays could only marvel at. "Buy this TARP, Buy this Stimulus, Buy this Auto Industry buyout........and do it before Midnight tonight!" And we did. Well we didnt -our democratic Reps and Senators bought it hook, line and sinker. And when the package arrived the products, like they always do, left us wanting. In the excitement of the pitch and the rush to buy before midnight, our government served up several steaming hot plates of foul- smelling over-priced porkulus. Ick. The smell won't go away and the deficit will linger for decades.

Now Barack has taken on his greatest challenge. He means to convince us, ala Billy Mays, that what we have isn't good enough - our cleaner doesn't clean well enough, our glue doesn't stick well enough, our health care system stinks and if we would just buy before Midnight tonight - all will be well.

And this is where Barack is making poor Billy roll over in his grave. Barack is going to sell the monstrous health care plan just like all the other late night products he's sold - without even showing us the product! Just scare the hell out of everyone and convince them that everything sucks and they'll buy before midnight tomorrow night!

Barack, like that huckster PT Barnum knows that a sucker is born every minute and most people are more stupid than a bunch of Cambridge cops.


Anonymous said...

Excellent comparison (even though some might argue that it's unfair to Billy Mays). But don't be despondent about B.O. selling his healthcare elixir. His salesmanship is fizzling on this one. He's like a golfer who was beating his opponent handily for the first 16 holes, but then fell apart on holes 17 and 18, while his Loyal Opposition parred both and ended up winning the contest. Hope you find this analogy uplifting.

Jack said...

You must be talking about the British Open with Tom Watson losing out. Yes, very sad.

miriam said...

Stop bad-mouthing Billy Mays. Oxyclean really works, unlike Obamacare.

Billy for President! Oh, I forgot, he;s dead.

Jack said...

No bad-mouthing Billy here - he was a living legend!